Sunday, September 22, 2013
2005 Student Response: Student 1C
The third student's response to the prompt lacks the deep analysis, literary knowledge, and supportive detail of the other two essays. The student is able to recognize the narrators' conflicting views toward God,however, they fail to provide direct evidence that supports it. Instead, the student uses their own presumptions to back up her argument. Another flaw in this students argument, is that this is the only one they make in there essay. It is true that religion played a significant role in both poems but, the student could have explained how syntax, diction, and imagery were used. There actually was one more argument this student had, but they mentioned it in their intro and never mentioned it again. The student argued, "the poems are different...because of the hopeful tone at the end of the first, and the hopeless tone at the end of the second." This is a good start for her literary argument, but the student never shares the contents of the different endings. This detail, and more frequent usage of literary vocabulary,might have resulted in a higher score for the student.
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Audrey,
ReplyDeleteYou can probably guess what my not-so-big beef is. Though you do use some of the student's words to help illustrate your point, I feel that some more of your arguments could use evidence. For example, you write that the student "uses their own presumptions to back up her argument." Adding an example here and tying it to what you just said would add to your claim. Maybe I am just an angry little kid trying to find something wrong in posts.
Auds,
ReplyDeleteYour evaluation of this student response indicates your knowledge of how the writer failed. Your opinions of their faults are noted and I like how your concluding sentence mentions techniques for how the student could have improved to get a better score. What were the random/criticizing thoughts you experienced while reading this response? Did you agree with his/her score and the comments from the judges? Don't forget to add examples to back up your claims...not sure I did that. Oye!
Audrey,
ReplyDeleteGuessing from the starting sentence this, this was one of the weaker prompts. you talked about the essay (structure and grade) could have included what you though of what the judges could have thought providing examples. also when talking about conflicting tones, you could mention more of the second voice with in the poem from the first poem and how they are different? maybe adding examples and support would help for evidence to backup your claims